my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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