Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
