sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
