btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
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New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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