How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You ruined the universe
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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