great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
