yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
