According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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