I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
