remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
