I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
