Jerry, you need to find god
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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