I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
