If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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