Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
