RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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