If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
