I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
