**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
