I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
