3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
