Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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