o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
