Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
