I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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