Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
