I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
