Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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