i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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