i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
