Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
