Got a toothbrush?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize