she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
