I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
