I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
