btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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