i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
ttyl tear gas
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
