The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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