He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
