So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize