If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
