Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
