I just saw a hot homeless man
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
