Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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