Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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