the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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