Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
