I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
