thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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