Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
