i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
