I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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