i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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