Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
