One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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