We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
