this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
