told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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