Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
