youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
