Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Actions speak louder than pants.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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