it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
