Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Randomize
