Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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