Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can I color on your dick again?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
