Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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