i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
