rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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