You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
