I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
