He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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