Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
