At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
