thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
