Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
