Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you will always have a special place in my vag
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
