whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
