so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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